Lessons Learned from Drunks #13

when you piss and 

miss the toilet,

it is advisable

to start again

maybe in a new stall

know what? i really want to write you a poem.

why did i take this job? (based on a true story)

"I thought it was a myth!" said the man after he witnessed the solvation of the rubik's cube.  

I made up the world solvation. 

Abracadabra

Into his hat he cried "Please and Thank You!" and waited several minutes before the audience's jeers and cries of hatred burrowed into his skull.  Now he works in a cubical and finds himself resenting every rabbit he passes.  Magic his ass.  

Husbands

As it stopped, a woman on a train stood up promptly at 6h49 PM and announced her full name and destination.  She gave her name again to the conductor as she exited and again to the man on duty in the train station.  While she whistled a tune on the way to her mother's house, she wondered if she had remembered to lock the windows and if the hitman had arrived on time.  

While Waiting For A Meeting

I wrote this for Charish* and

I hope she likes it

I wrote this for Charish and 

I don't care if she likes it

I wrote this for Charish and

It is hip-shaking

Eye-raping

Cookie-baking

Tic-Tac-Toe good

To what does she owe the honor?

*this looks like char-ish to me. char making not the chair sound but the burger king burger type of sound.  my apologies for poor spelling.  this is a great way to distinguish a person from an abstract concept.  

Story of My Life

A grandfather sat his grandson on his knee and prepared the small child for a story.  No one asked the child if the child really wanted to hear a story, or if it really had the time for a story, or if there was something more important the child should have been doing.  The grandfather merely captured his progeny for selfish purposes and all others occupying the house stood witness as it happened, doing little to help.  Each of them had had their turn, and each of them wished that someone had spoken up on their behalf.  Even spanish-speaking house-cleaner Maria had heard (yet failed to comprehend) her fair share of grandfather's stories.  Now it was time for the grandchild's initiation.  His very first. With a toothless smile and slightly crazed cough-infused laughter, grandfather prepared himself.  "There lived a boy of seven married to a dishwasher named Sue in happy unicorn land..." Grandfather began.  And the grandson began to cry, not only because grandfather was a scary man, but because his story was ridiculous.